


I'm a fool...

by marvelmademewrite



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Swearing, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 11:58:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18571012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelmademewrite/pseuds/marvelmademewrite
Summary: the reveal of your romantic feelings for Bucky is put on hold, when you find out you were worth nothing more than a stupid bet. Will you and Bucky fix your friendship?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! If you enjoy this please leave feedback or kudos as it helps so much! Hope y'all enjoy and stay safe, my lovelies! x

The whole team had gathered together in the lounge except for y/n. They had been playing all sorts of card games that afternoon. It started quite innocently really, just some blackjack and then poker, but that took a turn when Sam decided to nag Bucky about his crush on you. It was obvious to anyone who possessed eyes that the two of you were utterly falling for each other. But apparently the two were oblivious to each other’s feelings. Sam had decided along with Clint that they would help the two of you out.

“So tin man, listen, I was wondering if you could do me a tiny, teeny weeny favour? It’s just this one thing,” Sam began.

Bucky already could tell that his friend was up to something no good and knew it would end badly. Rolling his eyes at Sam, Bucky decided to not get involved in what would most likely turn out to be a horrific scheme.

“No.”

“Oh come on man, you don’t even know what I was going to say,” Sam stated fully knowing that Bucky wouldn’t agree, it was all part of the plan.

“No, I know you’ve been planning something Wilson. You always get the same shit eating grin on your face when you try to get me involved in your stupid plans.”

“Give it a break Sam,” Steve warned in his mum tone. “Bucky doesn’t have to agree to anything.”

“Alright,” Sam said with his hands up in mock surrender still with that stupid grin on his face. “All I wanted was for you to take my place on that two week mission y/n and I are going on….but since you don’t want to I can just ask someone else, Tony you up for replacing me?”

“Oh I’d be more than willing. I would absolutely love to!”

Bucky glared at Sam for teasing him about his crush on you but still he refused to admit it to the rest of the team, and most importantly to the girl herself. Sam just chuckled at the soldier’s expression and he was so pleased that he had fallen straight into the trap.

“What’s up tin man? Someone getting jealous? I did ask but you declined so now Tony gets to go,” Sam shrug whilst taking a sip of his beer.

“Why would I be jealous?”

Bucky started feeling the blush creep up his neck and the tops of his ears turn pink, he began to panic. You couldn’t find out about his feelings for you. He knew you couldn’t reciprocate those feelings and that what you had was purely friendship. He didn’t want to ruin that and lose his best girl even if it was just friendship between the two of you. You were his second best friend and he needed you in his new life.

“Well, I don’t know. Maybe because you are totally into her?” Wanda giggled. Clint joined in the harassment Bucky was just beginning to undergo.

“Look Bucky, it’s so obvious you two are so lovey dovey and you can’t deny that.”

Sam smirked at this, knowing that Bucky being the stubborn creature that he is, would answer in just the way that would guarantee their plan on being a winner. It really was like taking candy from a baby.

“We’re just best friends. Will you quit harassing me already?!” Bucky realised he was getting himself worked up and that would only fuel Sam’s and Clint’s fire to continue pressing on. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

Nat had been observing the whole deal and knew that Clint and Sam needed to be stopped before this went up in flames. But she couldn’t deny her curiosity and it won her over. But then again, it was Clint and Sam planning this whole thing, and that scared her more than not knowing what it was. All in all though, she just really wanted her best friend to finally be with the man she was crushing so hard on.

“Well, if you don’t like y/n like that and you two are best friends….you won’t mind a little bet?” Clint offered Bucky. Bucky knew that denying and not accepting the bet would only prove what he wanted to keep to himself. On the other hand he didn’t want to make a fool out of himself by going along with the bet. He didn’t have time to decide and chose the latter option. There was no point arguing, he knew he’d be forced into one or the other.

He was going to bet with Clint.

Nat and Wanda gave each other worried looks. This was so not going to go down well. They were worried about what y/n would have to endure as part of the bet. They knew they should intervene but they really thought this could be the push you and Bucky needed in order to finally get together.

“Ugh fine, what’s this stupid bet?” He grunted, silently cursing Steve for convincing him to spend the afternoon with the team. He said it would be just chilling out and some fun. Chilling out my ass.

“I’ll bet you fifty bucks that you won’t make y/n shut up by kissing her when she comes in here once she gets back,” Clint spoke giving Bucky an innocent look on his face, as if he wasn’t the biggest shit in the room there and then.

“What?! YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!! You and Wilson are so dead. You better sleep with one eye open. I can’t believe you’re making me do this to her!”

“Is that a deal?” Clint smirked, followed by reaching his hand out to Bucky to shake.

“And what if I don’t do it? What if I don’t….kiss her?”

“Well, you’ll just prove to us all that you are indeed head over heels for her,” Clint smirked.

“Fine,” Bucky breathed out exasperated by what he got himself into.

“It’s a deal then,” Clint exclaimed, him and Sam cheering whilst high fiving each other. The rest of the team was rolling their eyes and laughing at the two’s antics. Bucky was praying that you wouldn’t come in here and then the bet would have been broken off.

Just then the team heard the elevator doors open with a ping, all knowing that y/n is back from wherever it was that she disappeared to.

I had just returned from my little trip down to this little, newly opened cafe I heard about down in Brooklyn. I wanted to check it out as it would be a really nice place for me and Bucky to be able to go get coffee from.

It also turned out to be the perfect place where I could tell Bucky about my feelings for him. I’ve been considering telling him for two weeks now and after finally gathering enough courage, I decided to just set it straight with him. It wouldn’t matter what he felt like, I would be cool with it all. I just didn’t want us to have any secrets and this has been weighing down on me for too long.

As the doors to the elevator opened on the floor where the lounge room was, I could hear the team laughing.

Entering the open space everyone was already looking my way and I was greeted by a chorus of hellos and heys. I was just about to say hello back to greet my team members when Bucky jumped up from the sofa cutting me off before the word even left my mouth.

“Don’t! Say! Anything!” He was running towards me frantically shouting the words. I stared at him wide eyed, my confusion evident on my face. “Please, just don’t say anything,” he started again. He figured that if he could stop you from talking altogether he wouldn’t have to kiss you. He didn’t want your guys’ first kiss to be this.

“Bucky, why ar-” I was cut off by Bucky pressing his lips to mine in a sweet subtle kiss. Just like they were there, they were gone and Bucky was backing away from me looking shocked. Then the expression changed, guilt and worry written all over his beautiful features.

“I’m sorry doll. I just, umm, well,” he didn’t get to finish before Clint interrupted.

“He bet me he would be able to make you shut up by kissing you.”

I felt the blush creep onto my face as I realised that Bucky had just kissed me. I raised my hand to touch my lips thinking about how his soft, plush ones had just felt. How his lips graced my own just a few moments prior. But that was before I registered Clint’s words. Bet. It was a bet. He bet he’d kiss me just like that. It obviously meant nothing to him. And everyone was cheering and laughing. Bucky kissed me as a bet. Anger took over.

“What do you mean bet? What bet? Are you fucking kidding me?!” I exclaimed. Turning on Bucky, I saw red. Of fucking course. He would only kiss me as a bet. He didn’t think I was cute, or pretty or beautiful. All that earlier courage washed away. I felt nothing but disappointment and embarrassment.

He didn’t like me as more than a friend, and I told myself I’d be ok with that but I guess I was lying to myself and the stupidity of hopefulness took over my realistic view of the world. But why would he do that to me? Would a friend do that to someone they claimed to care about so much? Would a friend humiliate you like this in front of your entire team?

“What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you bet something like that? Am I a joke to you? Is that why you did it?”

I could see that the venom of my words was starting to take its toll on Bucky. His face changed from the guilt back to shock and then to a pained one. I could feel my eyes begin to tear up and I sure as hell wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me cry after already being humiliated.

“Doll, it wasn’t like that. I didn’t have a choice,” Bucky cringed at his own words. He knew full well that you would pick up on the word choice. He didn’t want to hurt you further but he had to stand his ground to Sam and Clint.

“What was your other choice?”

“He would have to admit that he has feelings for you. That was his other choice,” Sam answered guiltily and quite rightly. Clint’s and his plan was backfiring majorly on Bucky and that was the last thing they wanted. They forgot to predict your reaction. And that perhaps it might not be a good one.

I stared down at my shoes avoiding anybody’s eye. I didn’t need the looks of pity, nor the judgement from my outburst. I stood there for what felt like forever trying to make sense of my scattered thoughts. I was also trying to gather up some courage to not run away but walk away as gracefully as I could to save myself whatever was left of my dignity.

“Kroshka,” I put my hand up effectively stopping Bucky in his tracks.

“It’s fine. I overreacted. I’ve just had a bad day is all. I won’t be anymore of a party pooper and go to my bedroom to get some rest. Goodnight everyone,” I mustered up the most fake smile in the history of fake smiles and turned to leave.

Bucky caught my hand making me look at him. I gave him a small smile and squeezed his had before pulling away, trying to reassure him that it was fine. Walking towards the stairs I heard Steve call after me but I just waved him off. As soon as I heard the door close behind me I started taking the stairs two at a time. All I wanted was to curl up in bed and sleep, try my hardest to forget what had happened and move past it. I didn’t even notice the tears that were coating my cheeks and dripping down onto my sundress.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky stood there watching you leave. He knew you well enough to be able to tell when you were lying to him. He could see right through you and what he saw broke his heart. He hurt you, really fucking bad. If he had just admitted that he likes you none of this would have happened. You wouldn’t hate him and he wouldn’t have to watch you leave. He noticed your teary eyes, he was a trained assassin for god’s sake. He needed to fix this but he was sure you hated him now.

The rest of the team was silent as they watched the exchange between you and Bucky. Nat and Wanda sharing a look of guilt only expressing how stupid it was of them not to stop Clint and Sam and their stupid plan. They knew you, they knew of how lowly you could think of yourself and Nat sure as hell didn’t miss the slight change in your facial expression as you surely caught the word ‘bet’ in Bucky’s explanation.

“Bucky you should go talk to her,” came Steve’s calm voice breaking the dead silence. Bucky turned to look at Steve with the sadness evident in his eyes.

“There’s no point Stevie. She probably doesn’t want to talk to me after I just did that to her. God why is it that the two of you always get me caught up in your fucking schemes?!” He was yelling by the end, not being able to put a lid on his temper for any longer. He knew deep down that even though Clint suggested the bet, it was his own fault that you left here feeling like you were less.

Everyone was sat there silently trying to figure out how to go about the somewhat awkward situation. It was pretty obvious that the easiest way would be for you and Bucky to just confess your feelings for each other but there was a very slim chance of that happening anytime soon.

So the silence drowned the room and even Tony didn’t have a sarcastic remark to butt in. You were like his little sister. He cared for you and protected you; he knew Bucky was worthy of taking care of you and he just didn’t know how to fix this mess that started off as some silly fun.

“I’m gonna go check up on her,” came Wanda’s Sokovian accent. She turned to Nat and gestured with her head for her to come with and save you from the flood of tears that were most likely taking over your pretty face.

The both of them got up and started for the elevator. Nat stopped shortly to put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder as a comforting gesture. She could feel the tense muscles under his Henley and she knew that he was worried about you. He was always worried about you when you weren’t by his side.

The girls bid everyone a goodnight and stepped into the elevator, waiting for the doors to close before speaking.

“She looked heartbroken,” Wanda spoke softly. Her head down looking at her shoes trying hard to stay out of your head although it would be a lot easier trying to help you if she could just see the exact cause of your reaction.

“She’s tough and she won’t let anyone put her down. She’s her own worst enemy and we need to figure out how to help her see that she’s the prettiest girl here. We need to get inside her head,” Nat spoke sternly looking at Wanda and expressing exactly what she wanted the younger girl to do with just the look on her face. Wanda looked uncomfortable, she’d sworn she wouldn’t do this but she knew that this may be the only way to see what is really going on in your head. She nodded slightly signalling her approval of Natasha’s demand.

“Ok, but only this one time. And you can’t tell her! I don’t want her to be even more upset than she already is…and mad at me for breaking the promise.”

With that the doors to the elevator pinged on you floor and the girls made their way to your room.

Nat knocked on your door quietly as not to startle you; proceeding to open the door, she wasn’t surprised to see the sight before her. You were sat on the floor by the ceiling-to-floor length window overlooking the city, you had a big fluffy blanket wrapped around you and tissues surrounding your small form. Your shoulders shaking from your sobbing that were barely louder than a whisper. The two girls who entered your room looked at each other before sinking to the floor on either side of you. The three of you didn’t exchange a word just sat there whilst you calmed down and evened out your breathing.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” was all you could muster up but even that came out in a breathy broken whisper. Nat and Wanda exchanged a look behind your back and that was signal enough for Wanda to invade your privacy.

The guys watched as Wanda and Nat disappeared behind the doors of the elevator. Bucky was holding his head in his hands. Sam and Clint were both looking guilty as ever. Tony and Steve giving them the look of 'you are so dead’. It seemed like they were both ready to attack them and tear them to shreds.

After about five minutes of no one moving, Steve got up and walked over to Bucky placing his arm around his friend and led him to the elevator. As the doors were closing all that could be heard is the start of what would be a very long, and stern, lecture from Tony that Sam and Clint would be on the receiving side of.

Bucky remained silent as Steve all but dragged him to his room. He felt his heart strings being pulled with every step he took. He knew he was going in the wrong direction, he should be heading for your room to apologise and beg for you to not hate him. But he also knew that you didn’t want to see him and that his face would cause you disgust.

“Ok pal, you need to snap out of this mode you’re in because you need to figure out how to make this right,” Steve said, placing his hands on his hips after pushing Bucky to sit down on the bed in front of him.

“She hates me. God, how could she ever like someone like me? Someone who can’t even tell her how much he loves her,” came Bucky’s whispered reply.

Steve was giving him an intense look and Bucky started to feel hot under the collar from how uncomfortable it made him. He knew what Steve would say.

“Well jerk, if ya had just gone an’ told her how ya feel than we wouldn’t be in this mess. You know she loves you too, right? Ya know that she is probably crying upstairs and stuck in her head. Ya know how she gets pal. I don’t want to be the one to break it to you but as your brother it is my job to kick your ass whilst ya down,” Steve spoke, almost ranting. He didn’t want to be so harsh on his best friend but maybe this would be what would finally get him to get a move on and talk to you.

Bucky looked up at Steve with a knowing expression, he didn’t blame his friend for being honest. He appreciated that he wouldn’t let him give up. He also couldn’t help the nagging going on in his head at the fact that Steve said that you loved him back. There was a glint of hope in him from hearing those words. He knew he had to act quick.

You’d be leaving on your mission tomorrow night for the next two weeks and he couldn’t let you leave the tower with a doubt in your mind about how he felt. With a nod he let out a breath and looked at Steve, “I’m gonna need your help, punk.”

They spent the next few hours plotting and planning on fixing the situation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a lot of low self-esteem thoughts that may be triggering. Please, only read if you aren't going to get triggered! x

‘Ugly. Fat. Unworthy of anything. God, how can someone even look at me and not feel disgusted?! Let alone love me. I’m so stupid. Useless. He’s so out of my league it’s actually sad I could think that he might like me back. I’m just a useless, fat mess. I’m just taking up too much room. It would be so much easier if I just left or didn’t come back from a mission. Why haven’t they kicked me out yet? I’m not even a good addition to this team! What do I bring to the table?! Nothing! I’m not worthy of them, of him. How could anyone even be attracted to my dumb ass?!’

Wanda had to use all the effort that she could muster not to give in to her emotions as she listened on to what was going through your head. She looked at Nat with teary eyes and shook her head. She couldn’t listen anymore. You were being so harsh on yourself. Your mind was playing tricks on you, trying to destroy you from the inside out. She couldn’t stand the fact that her sister would think of herself in such a way. You always seemed like a ray of sunshine to be around. It broke her heart. She excused herself quickly and left the room, heading for the kitchen to make some hot chocolate.

Nat started to stroke your hair whilst she pulled you into her lap. You tried to pull away telling her you were fine now that you’ve had a good cry.

“What exactly is this about?” She was looking at you in the most delicate way. She didn’t want to scare you off from talking, you were well known for keeping your emotions all bottled up and out of the air for anyone to see.

“I don’t really know…” you began but were shortly cut off.

“Bullshit, go again.”

“Well I just, you know how much I’ve been pinning after him and I finally was going to tell him. I went to this new cafe that’s just opened in Brooklyn to check it out and it would have been the perfect place Nat,” you smile to yourself, but soon it turns into a smaller and sadder one.

“But I’m just…a bet. That’s all I am to him, I thought we were friends but he, he humiliated me. In front of everyone. I would have understood if he had turned me down romantically. But….to throw our friendship under the bus like, ugh what am I saying?” you laughed quietly.

Nat frowned. She didn’t know where you were taking this. You were good at this, diverting is sort of your thing. She just hoped that it was for the good.

Wanda made her entrance with the hot chocolate and Nat decided that she didn’t want to press you on further. She gave you a hug and reassured you that Bucky would never want to hurt you like that, that he cared for you too much and that he was an idiot, just like any man he was totally clueless at what his actions can cause. With a wink to end the subject, the three of you snuggled together in your bed watching movies until you fell asleep.

Bucky knocked on your door lightly and pushed it open to find you snuggled between Wanda and Nat, the three of you snoring softly. He smiled at the sight but he did not miss the redness and puffiness around your eyes and that was all it took for him to remember that he was the one behind that. He made his best girl cry with his stupidity. He should have been bolder and made his move before any of this could happen. But he was a monster, how could he ever deserve your love?

He took one last look at you before he shut the door and walked back to his own room. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he wanted to hold you. He wanted to be the one that was sharing your bed. He wanted to make you smile and to tell you how beautiful you are.

He’d have to wait for any of that until tomorrow when he promised himself he’d make it right.

He sat down at his desk and started to write in his journal. This one was different from the others. It held memories and thoughts solely about you. He wrote down the events of the day, taking his frustrations out on the pages before him and let his feelings flow through his words.

He needed to get it all out so that he could start fresh tomorrow. After he finished he went to bed to sleep off the exhaustion that took over him.

As the sun started to peak through the curtains, you woke up feeling Wanda still sleeping next to you. Nat was already up and gone probably having coffee as per usual in the morning.

You rolled onto your side and reached for your phone to check the time. As you did you saw a text message from Bucky and your heart stopped dead in your chest. You’d have to face him and act like what happened yesterday was just a joke. You hoped Nat would have kept her mouth shut and not tell everyone about your little crying session.

Deciding to just leave the message unread you popped into the shower to refresh yourself a little bit before prepping for your mission. You knew you wouldn’t be able to avoid Bucky entirely but going on the mission meant packing and a briefing. Those were excellent excuses to keep your distance.

And so after stepping out the shower you got dressed and decided to wake Wanda up.

As you two were in the elevator she started talking about what the two of you should have for breakfast before you interrupted her, “actually Wanda, I’m heading out to grab some breakfast. I need to buy a few essentials for the mission today and I’d rather get them now than later.”

You gave her a smile hoping you didn’t sound rude, which she returned with an understanding one of her own.

The elevator pinged and Wanda stepped out as soon as she did you were smacking the 'close door’ button hoping to avoid anyone slipping in. As the doors were closing you looked out only to make eye contact with Bucky who was rapidly heading your way. Luckily he didn’t make it and you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in.

What you didn’t know was that Bucky looked completely heartbroken and pained as he saw the door close and the elevator continue it’s way down. He slumped his shoulders and hang his head for a few seconds before he turned back around and headed back into the kitchen to finish his breakfast.

You heard your phone vibrate in your bag. It was another message from Bucky. Feeling bad about the fact that you were ignoring him you decided to read and answer.

You clicked on his name to read the messages and frowned.

'I’m sorry, sunshine. I know what I did yesterday was wrong. I hope you can forgive me. You mean so much to me, please don’t think that you were just some bet. You are so much more, so much more.’

'Doll, are you ok? Where are you going? Please be careful. I hope we can talk when you get back.’

The messages made you frown even more. They made you feel a little warm inside at the fact that Bucky was showing how much he cares, you were a fool to have thought anything of it. It was just the team having some fun and your over sensitive ass had to go and ruin it. You still didn’t want to face him later even though you knew it was better to do so. You typed out a reply which you thought would make light of the situation.

'Hey, don’t worry I’m fine. Like I said I overreacted, I was a little tired and had a pretty shit day. I’m sorry for turning on you like that! Gosh how embarrassing ;) I’m just heading to get some essentials for my mission tonight. Yeah sure.’

As you hit send, you looked up to see a cafe a few shops down. Deciding that you urgently needed to eat something you dash for it through the morning crowd.

A few hours later you decided to go back to the tower after aimlessly wandering the streets and weaving your way through the crowds. You knew you had forty minutes until your briefing started and the walk back was thirty. That should be enough time to make it back but not enough time to have to face Bucky and explain to him your embarrassing behaviour.

So you started for the tower whilst trying to keep your head clear and ready for the briefing, trying to get into your zone that you go into for missions. You shut down all things that are unnecessary and that includes this whole mess with Bucky. You felt bad for how you made him feel, you knew he was sorry, it was evident from the moment you started ranting at him.

The walk passed by in a whiz and you were back at the tower with seven minutes spare. You tsked at yourself for taking an extra three minutes, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. Heading for the elevator you check your phone and there’s a message from Steve from the said extra three minutes ago.

'Briefing in ten. Where are you?’

You stepped into the elevator and shot back a quick 'on my way up’.

You looked at yourself in the mirror on the wall to try pass the ride up by. You fixed your hair and wiped at a mascara smudge under your bottom eyelash line. Your face was a little pale and you were suddenly made aware of how hungry you were by your stomach rumbling.

Well you didn’t have any time to go get a quick snack so you just stepped out and headed for the briefing room. As you were approaching you got a weird feeling in your stomach. It was as if you were nervous, a gut feeling arising. As you headed for the door around the corner, you realised that there was someone standing there waiting for you. Bucky. You tried to contain your panic and failed miserably, and with a very shaky breath tried to greet him, “hey-y buck. What are-re you doing-g here?”

He looked at you with an impassive expression and simply smiled. He was about to say something when your stomach decided to make a very loud and obnoxious whale call to signal your lack of lunch today. You looked away embarrassed and missed the sad frown forming on his face.

“Did you eat anything today?” It wasn’t harsh but rather filled with a caring tone. You couldn’t quite meet his eye but you forced yourself to look at him. He looked tired. You hoped you weren’t the reason for that.

“Yeah I went and got breakfast on my way to the shops but I guess I forgot to have lunch. I’ll have something after this briefing,” you hoped that he’d drop the subject and you could get away from this awkwardness.

“Look Buck I’ve gotta go into the briefing. Can we talk later?”

“Umm..yeah sure, actually-” but before he could finish Steve popped his head out the door and called you in. You smiled at Bucky and went into the briefing room closing the door behind you. As you turned around to face Steve your face fell. The expression he was wearing was unreadable and you knew from the lack of anyone else present that this could mean nothing good.

“Before we start I need to inform you that there has been a change of plan with the mission and you won’t be going with Sam anymore,” he said it in his Captain America voice, the voice you knew well. It meant no arguing. You swallowed thickly and nodded your head. You were feeling a bit nervous but kind of hopeful, it could be a solo mission after all. It wasn’t anything difficult or what you haven’t done by yourself before. 

“Your partner for this mission is Bucky, and before you say anything I don’t want to hear it,” he told you sternly. You felt like he was treating you like a little kid.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” you started and just then the door to the room opened and in stepped Bucky carrying a plate of pasta with him. You cringed at the fact because the questioning look on Steve’s face was bound to turn to a disapproving one.

“Sorry I had to get her something to eat. She didn’t have any lunch and since the briefing will be long I thought it be best she ate whilst you talked at us,” Bucky smiled at you, and you smiled back mouthing a 'thank you’, the both of you missing the adoring smirk on Steve’s face.

“Alright let’s begin.”

You sat down on Steve’s left side, Bucky opposite you with Steve at the head of the table. He was explaining the mission to you two, whilst you were munching on your pasta. Bucky was watching you the entire time only briefly looking at Steve when he was looking at him to show his best friend that he was in fact still listening. Once you got halfway through your pasta and you’ve had enough, you pushed you plate to the side and out of the way. Bucky frowned at this, not satisfied with how much you ate considering how hungry your stomach sounded. You and Steve were deep in discussion about exit strategies if the mission was compromised when Bucky interrupted.

“Isn’t there a safe house not far from there which is untraceable? We could head for it if things went south and contact you with the situation at hand or if we need back up.”

“I doubt we’ll need back up. Unless they have information about us trying to compromise their hideout, they won’t have any idea about us coming and going. We’ll just need to keep quiet and under the radar. Plus the safe house isn’t a good option so close to their hideout, they sure as hell would follow us and take us down. We’d essentially be trapped,” you spoke with confidence from your experience from such missions. Extracting intel was your thing. You could slip in and out unnoticed leaving very little damage, if any at all. It’s as if you weren’t even there. And that was the whole point.

“We would need a place to lie low and that is our best bet. I don’t think they’d find it that quickly either, which would give us enough time to contact Steve and the team and move on to somewhere more safe,” he shot back. The both of you looking at each other considering the options. It wasn’t rude or to annoy one another, you guys were just brainstorming and trying to keep as safe as you could.

“Unless instead of the both of us actually infiltrating the building, you stay behind as back up and my eyes, whilst I go in get what we need and then we can get out of there. Since I’m here for these kinds of missions I know what I’d be doing and it would guarantee us to be unnoticed,” you suggested, Steve nodding his head in agreement.

“No,” came Bucky’s simple reply.

“Why the hell not Buck? It would be our best bet. We could get this done in a week if it’s only me going in and to be entirely honest with you that sounds like heaven,” you tried to debate with him but the stern look on his face wasn’t budging. So you turned to Steve who was watching the exchange.

“What about your opinion Captain Rogers? Wouldn’t it be more beneficial to have the information in a week so that we can move forward and continue our planning on how to take this threat down?”

Steve was looking between the two of you, you could tell he was thinking about your words and that you were right, “I have to agree with y/n, Buck. We need that information and the sooner we get it the better.”

Bucky frowned at his friend expressing his distaste of the plan but he knew he had to be rational. He had to agree with his captain, even if his other best friend, his best girl, was putting herself into more danger than he liked.

“Fine. But I think that we should set in some rules. If you’re going to go in there by yourself I want to know that you’re getting out of there without a hair out of place on your head.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him with a small smirk on your face.

“Ok, gosh. What am I in school to have rules?” you asked playfully. Where was this confidence coming from, just a few hours ago you were shaking from the mere thought of having to speak to Bucky.

He smirked whilst laughing a little, “ok, firstly, if you even for one second think that something is off, you call me in. I don’t care if you think it’s silly, you’ll call me in. Secondly, if you get hurt or stuck you call me in. Thirdly if you’re in there for too long I’m coming in.”

He looked at Steve for his approval whilst you kept looking at him with a hopefulness in your bones that he might like you. But you quickly shut it down telling yourself that you’re simply getting over excited. Steve just shrugs indicating that this isn’t under his control and more of a matter for you and Bucky to decide upon.

You just nod and Bucky smiles at you, happy with the fact that he can go in and protect you if you need it. He knows very well that you can take care of yourself, he’s sparred with you on many occasions, but he just feels the need to stand in harm’s way and keep you out of it. Maybe it was the events of last night that had him realise how much he hated seeing you sad or upset, let alone hurt.

After giving you and Bucky a few more details, Steve concluded the briefing with an acknowledgement of what weather it is over where you’re heading and what your covers were. As it turns out, you and Bucky were actually a newly wed couple, Mr and Mrs Horowitz, who are there on their honeymoon. That meant playing the part, the threat had people working inside the hotel, which was your base for the mission, and you and Bucky would need to keep their suspicions low whilst you sneaked around and tried to find anything to bring them down.

Taking your plate, you headed for the kitchen to dispose of the waste and to clean your plate. Bucky was hot on your tail. He needed to talk to you before this mission so that he didn’t have to worry about you hating him. He stopped by the counter watching you move around the kitchen.

“You didn’t eat a lot,” came his soft voice which was the most desired sound you wished to hear every second of your waking moment.

“Well I don’t have super soldier metabolism and I don’t need to eat as much as you. Besides, I had a pretty big breakfast,” you tried to reason with him. Although you weren’t entirely sure he was buying it. Nonetheless he didn’t try and attempt talking about the subject. He was going to go straight for the kill.

“You realise that, what happened yesterday, I didn’t mean for it to look the way it did. I’m sorry that you felt that I thought you were a joke. You’re not. You’re anything but a joke. You’re a super intelligent and beautiful girl, you have the most amazing knife skills and I’m so truly sorry if I made you feel like anything but that. I-” but you cut him off, you couldn’t listen to him saying such words if he didn’t mean them in the way you wanted him to mean them.

“Bucky please, I told you already. It’s fine, you guys were just having some fun and it was just some silly bet. I shouldn’t have gotten mad. I just overreacted. I’m the one who should be apologising to you. I was the one who started shouting at you. I’m sorry for that. I was just having a rough day,” you force a small genuine smile onto your face so that he doesn’t question you more. You hoped so much that he’d tell you that he loves you but he had a choice didn’t he? He could either tell you how he feels which you presumed was to own up to having feelings for you, or kiss you to shut you up. Of course he didn’t have feelings for you, who were you trying to kid? And the kiss meant nothing at all, it was just like sharing a drunken kiss with a friend whilst playing a game.

The thoughts were becoming too much and before Bucky could continue, you were already making up an excuse to get out of the situation, “look Buck, let’s just forget about it and concentrate on the mission. I need to go pack so I’ll see you later.”

You made for your escape but Bucky stopped you with a hand around your wrist. He pulled you into him and squeezed you to his chest as closely as he could without doing you any harm. You were so rigid in his embrace partly from shock and partly from not wanting him to see you fall apart which would happen if you let yourself melt into him.

“I want you to know, that I’m always here for you. Ok? I care about you more than you could imagine,” he was saying. He wanted to tell you those three little words, but the mere thought was choking him. He was too scared to be rejected by you, he didn’t want to ruin this already slightly broken relationship. You quickly nodded in answer to him before pulling yourself away and heading for your room to pack.

You could feel Bucky’s eyes on you the entire time as you walked to the elevator and right up until you disappeared behind the closed door. He swore under his breath for letting you walk away without telling you how he felt. He was too terrified of what would happen if he did. It could be good or bad, and right now he didn’t want to distract you from the mission. You both needed your heads in the game.


	4. Chapter 4

You met Bucky in the hanger. He was already waiting for you by the quinjet. It would be just the two of you and two pilots that would drop you off and return for you after the mission was complete. You were wearing a blue sundress with big yellow sunflowers on it. You and Bucky were heading for some small, Italian, seashore town where the weather was gorgeous and you needed to fit into the touristy crowd. Bucky was wearing some shorts and a polo shirt. He had been given a synthetic skin-like cover for his arm to put on before reaching the drop off zone to hide his all-too-recognisable metal arm.

“Wow doll, you look like the prettiest girl in all of Italy,” Bucky said with a big grin on his face.

You rolled your eyes at him whilst your heart was doing flips, “ha ha very funny, stop flirting and get on the jet.”

“Sweets, I’m not joking around. Plus aren’t you my wife for at least the next week?” came his reply, and you knew that the shit eating grin that came with it would be difficult to wipe of his face. You walked past him onto the jet and picked the most comfortable looking seat since you had a long flight ahead of you. Bucky followed you like a lost puppy taken aback by how amazing you looked. Your hair flowing around your face in its natural curls. He couldn’t wait to spend the next week with you and solely you. As he came and sat next to you, you gave him a small smile before laying your head back, closing your eyes and dozing off since it was late at night.

Bucky remained awake for the next two hours just watching you sleep. Observing the way your chest raised and fell with every breath you were taking. He tried to save the image of your peaceful face as a memory in his distraught mind. He was getting better, you helped him a lot through it. He couldn’t thank you enough for being so patient and open about his whole situation. He knew for a very long time that you were the perfect girl for him. You were everything he could ever dream of and he swore that he’d tell you all of this as soon as you both got back from your mission.

Soon sleep overtook him too.

You were both awoken by one of the pilots that you’d be landing in half an hour and that you need to prep for the exit. You’d be landing in a public airport and then taking a newly wed coach ride down to your destination. It was a trip organised for couples to develop a strong bond with their newly married partner. You and Bucky had been told by Steve that this would be the most believable cover. And so you and Bucky got ready to depart the jet and make your way to the coach.

The coach wasn’t what you and Bucky were expecting. Neither one of you imagined it being so annoying and overly fluffy. There was a sound system which was playing all of the most cringiest love songs and the couples were all over each other. You felt so uncomfortable and didn’t know how to act. You and Bucky were meant to be acting like you are in love but you looked nothing like it. You looked around and turned to face Bucky placing a hand on his thigh hoping it wasn’t too much of a bold move and leaned in.

“I think you need to put your arm around me. Currently we’re looking nothing like a married couple. Maybe I should put my head on your shoulder?” you were whispering whilst trying to come up with an idea of how to pretend like you were in love with Bucky without actually giving it away that you were really in love with him. He just chuckled and placed his arm around your shoulder pulling you into his side. You placed your head on his shoulder. The both of you were still tense and looked awkward. Bucky took hold of the hand that was on his thigh and started playing with your finger to try and make you feel more comfortable. You exhaled and let out a quiet laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Bucky asked whilst nuzzling his nose in your hair, unaware of his action. You relaxed at the gesture and leaned into him more. The two of you slowly laying more and more onto each other. And soon you were asleep with Bucky holding you close, you cursed Steve that he assigned him for this mission, it was doing nothing to help you with your feelings and would leave you as an even bigger mess.

Bucky took in the people on the coach surrounding you. He could make out one couple that he knew were working for the organisation you were trying to get information on. The thought of you going into their hq and getting the intel by yourself was making him stressed and he couldn’t stop the thoughts of all the ways it could go wrong. He pulled your sleeping form onto his lap and held you close, praying that it won’t be only on this mission that he gets to do so. The music was slowly driving him crazy and the thought of going to sleep was shut down as soon as he spotted the two agents. All he could do was look out the window and watch the landscapes go by.

The journey was uneventful and Bucky was ecstatic to see that they were slowly reaching their hotel. He started to stroke your cheek and whisper in your ear, trying to get you to wake up.

“Come on sweetheart, wake up. We’re here. We need to go get our bags and get our key,” he spoke, the soft tone making you want to do nothing more but to curl up into his side. So it was with a great struggle that you opened your eyes and tried to wake up. It took you a few moments before you even realised that you were sat in Bucky’s lap and it made your heart flutter. You felt the blush creeping up your cheeks and knew that Bucky had noticed it too.

“Sorry doll. I hope this is ok, I just thought it’d….ummm…look more convincing,” he wanted to kick himself as he saw your face fall and you look away. He didn’t know why he said that, it was only adding oil to the fire. “That’s not what I mea-” Bucky tried to explain himself but was cut off by the loud woman telling everyone that they had arrived and could get off and collect their luggage. Before Bucky could continue, you were already out of his lap and making your way down the coach. He shot up after you, he didn’t want to let you out of his sight.

“Y/n, hunny wait up!” He called after you but you just turned around and gave him a sleepy smile. He reached you just as you were about to pull out your bags from the trunk, he grabbed the bags before you could, put an arm around your shoulder and lead you to the reception to collect your room keys.

Whilst Bucky was talking to the receptionist, you pulled his arm around you and snuggled into his side, turning slightly so that you could observe the room behind you. You looked out for the agents you knew were bound to be here. To anyone else you just looked like a really tired, freshly married wife who couldn’t wait to cuddle with her husband. Bucky squeezed the arm that was around you in a loving gesture. He couldn’t look away from you whilst the receptionist continued blabbing on about some offer the hotel had.

After finally getting your room key, Bucky picked up your bags and the two of you started for the elevator. As you were waiting one of the agents that was on the coach earlier came to stand beside you two. Bucky still had his arm around you and had been placing kisses on top of your head. You tried to hug him tighter but you couldn’t get the feeling that the agent was suspicious of the two of you out of your head. So you did what you thought would be the most believable thing and placed a hand on Bucky’s neck pulling him in for a passionate kiss. He seemed surprised at first but quickly melted into the kiss.

The two of you looked like teenagers whilst fireworks went off inside both your stomachs. If it hadn’t been for all the other couples behaving like this, it would have seemed staged, but everyone was love-infested. It was the best kiss you’ve ever had and you didn’t want it to stop, but all too soon Bucky pulled away and the two of you couldn’t tear your gazes off each other, not entirely forgetting the agent stood next to you. You blushed and bit your bottom lip, the sight making Bucky gulp. The two of you knew that the other felt it too, some sort of chemistry. Whatever it was, it felt right and you wanted to do it again. However, the elevator pinged and the doors opened, the small crowd waiting to make their way to their rooms filling the small space.

The ride up was filled with a few yawns from the other passengers who were also on the honeymoon trip. The agent wasn’t paying you and Bucky any attention instead he was busy typing away at his phone. You hugged into Bucky like the other women were doing so to their partners, Bucky gave you a smirk and leaned down to whisper in your ear, “you know doll, I think we make a very good couple.”

The wink he sent you had you weak at your knees but your defence mechanism kicked in and you quickly slapped his chest in a playful way. “Don’t get your hopes up hunny, we have a long week ahead of us,” you said sweetly, fluttering your eyelashes at him. The short conversation between the two of you inaudible to anyone else, you two just looked like a couple teasing each other. And that was the whole point, you had to make your cover believable.

Stepping into the room you frowned noticing the one bed. It was a very cosy room and there was little else there except for the night stands on each side of the bed and a chair in the corner by the window which was overlooking the streets outside the hotel and the sea. It’s not like you and Bucky haven’t shared a bed before, it was pretty routine during missions and the endless movie nights you two had. What was however bothering you was the fact that you and Bucky had been doing all the things you’ve only dreamt of you two doing. Holding hands, the small little forehead kisses, not mentioning that kiss back downstairs which still had you reeling. It was getting a little too hard for you to keep it together. Little did you know, Bucky was finding it very difficult too. You two have never done anything intimate like that and it felt so right, it had your heart bursting at the seams.

Bucky’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts, “did you want to sleep closer to the window or the door? Probably the window.” He smirked fondly at you. You returned him your agreement with a soft ‘hmm’ and that was all it took for either one of you to claim your sides. You started unpacking some of your weapons and laid them out on your night stand. You grabbed your shower bag and started heading for the bathroom only to notice that Bucky had the exact same idea. You giggled at this and he laughed.

“You go first,” he told you gesturing to the bathroom.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind waiting. You must be tired, you didn’t sleep hardly at all during the journey. You go first,” you tried to convince him to go shower whilst you staked out the view. He only nodded and closed the door behind him.

You set your bag down on the bed and sat in the chair beside the window. The view was breathtaking and you couldn’t get enough of it. You didn’t even realise that Bucky had walked back out of the bathroom ready for bed until he gently placed his hand on your shoulder. You looked up to see him looking out the window. You patted his hand before getting out of your seat and heading for the bathroom. You started the shower letting the water run for a while before stepping in. It was much needed and the water pounding against your skin was so relaxing. You quickly washed your hair and body not wanting to keep Bucky up any longer than necessary.

Stepping out, whilst towel drying your hair, you spot Bucky sitting in your previous spot by the window. He looked so calm even though he was deep in his thoughts. You dropped your towel in the corner on the floor and made your way over to him. He didn’t react at your presence but you knew he was aware of it. You slipped yourself onto his lap and asked him about what has been eating at you, “Bucky, did you…umm…uh..feel it too?”

He exhaled sharply and turned his face to look at you. Your curious eyes trying to find an answer in his deep blue ones. You stared at each other like that for what felt like an eternity before he spoke.

“Yes,” it came out as a breathy whisper and he turned back to look out the window. You felt awkward from his action and didn’t know what that meant.

Did he realise you were in too deep? Or was he admitting that he felt it too? The fireworks show going off. Maybe he did but he didn’t want to admit it. Maybe he was embarrassed that a girl like you had a thing for him, for your best friend. The thoughts were choking you and you quickly removed yourself from his lap, walking as fast as you could and heading for the bathroom. Only stopping shortly to pick up the towel from the floor. Quickly shutting and locking the door behind you, you slid down it and prayed you wouldn’t cry. You knew Bucky would be able to hear you with his super soldier hearing. But the tears came anyway and all you could do was just sit there silently letting them race down your face. You were a fool thinking Bucky was in love with you, and it felt like even he was trying to fool you into believing it.

Bucky watched you hurry away from his body, a look of panic on his face caused by your sudden action. He didn’t know how to react to your question. It surprised him. He didn’t know whether to tell you or not and just as he was going to whisper his confession you sprung up and dashed away.

He got out of the chair and walked to the door. He wanted to knock but he also wanted to give you some privacy. And so he sat up in bed and waited for you to emerge.

After one hour passed, he was beginning to worry about you. You were silent and no movement could be heard from behind the door. After the second hour passed he was really worried. So he called out to you to check if you were ok, “doll, are you okay in there?”

“Yeah! Sorry I’m just about to come out,” you replied whilst quickly scurrying around the bathroom trying to fix yourself. Once you were satisfied, you opened the door and walked out heading straight for your side of the bed. You tried to ignore Bucky’s worried look and got into bed facing away from him, turning your lamp off.

“Goodnight Buck.”

“Doll, please look at me.”

You hesitated for a few seconds before rolling over onto your other side and facing Bucky. “Hmm?”

“Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“Nothing I was just drying my hair and texting Nat. Sorry I kept you up. I thought you’d have gone to sleep.”

Bucky pulled you into him and you laid your head on his shoulder. He was stroking your hair and soon you were falling asleep.

“I love you y/n,” was the last thing you heard right before sleep over took your form.


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up wrapped up in Bucky’s arms was becoming quickly your favourite thing. You looked up at his face to see that he was still sleeping soundly. You adored the peaceful and carefree look on his face whilst he dreamt. It made him look like the Bucky from the forties you’ve seen in pictures.

As you were watching him sleep you remembered what he said last night, or what you think you heard him say. You weren’t sure if it was real or just your imagination running wild. You had been crushing on him so hard that you could easily believe that it was your mind that came up with that one little sentence your heart desires so much to hear. Could he have actually told you he loved you? You didn’t have much more time to consider this as you felt him stir. You looked back to his face only to be met with his dazzling eyes and cute smile.

“Morning soldier.”

“Mornin’ sweets. How’d ya sleep?”

“Fine. You?” He gave a ‘hmm’ in reply which you could only figure was his agreement that he slept fine also. You giggled and tried to pull out of his embrace when he murmured, “five more mins, dollface.”

You couldn’t help the smile that was gracing your lips so you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth to try and hide it. Bucky pulled on your chin so that you’d release your lip, he loved it when you smiled. His whole form felt fuzzy and warm, he especially loved it when he was the one making you smile.

After a while you both got hungry and decided to go down to breakfast. Quickly getting dressed and deciding on a plan of action, you decided that it’d be best to stick to the whole sweet, tender act the two of you had going on. Bucky agreed and so you were heading down to the hotel’s restaurant for breakfast. You were wearing a red sundress and Bucky was back into some shorts, polo and light cardigan. Luckily the new synthetic skin for his arm was doing a great job in camouflaging the vibranium beneath.

Making your way to the buffet you picked up a few things onto your plate and filled Bucky’s to the brim knowing how much he ate. You also picked up two coffees whilst Bucky got some freshly squeezed orange juice and the cutlery. You found a quiet area in a corner where you two settled and started on your breakfast. Both of you munching away until Bucky spotted the two agents who were also pretending to be a couple walk in. The man was eyeing you up and it had Bucky clenching his jaw. You noticed how tense he was becoming and followed his line of sight to the couple. The man winked at you and you didn’t know how to react. You had to keep up your cover so you looked away and squeezed Bucky’s hand.

The two of you continued eating in silence but you couldn’t shake the feeling of someone watching you the entire time. You and Bucky both shared soft touches and smiles to keep up the act. It was really sweet and it felt so intimate, it had you weak. You have been dreaming of this for so long but it was happening all wrong!

You finished before Bucky and were just sipping on your coffee and looking around the restaurant, you tried to look casual but you felt the room become off with every minute. Bucky was still munching away but noticed how you had been a little too shifty in you seat and gave you a questioning look. You looked at him with a calm expression trying to look at him as lovingly as you could and grabbed hold of his hand. You knew that he now realised you were being suspicious and stopped eating. He drank his coffee in one go.

You looked at him bewildered, if that didn’t look weird then him grabbing your hand and all but pulling you out of the room did. You were jogging to keep up with his fast pace and caught the eye of the male agent who simply just gave you an evil snarl in return. Your stomach did a flip as adrenaline kicked in. You started sprinting pulling Bucky behind you, it didn’t take him long to fall into step with you as you guys run down the hall to the emergency staircase. You both headed quickly to your room to get your bags and get out of there as soon as you could. You were busted.

As soon as you reached the room Bucky pushed you inside slamming the door shut. You didn’t hesitate in gathering your stuff and placing your backpack on your shoulders. Bucky raised a finger in a gesture for you to be silent. He was listening to what was going on down the hall. He looked back at you and the expression on his face said it all. You picked up his bag and handed it to him. Looking around for anything else that needed to be taken before they burst into the room. Bucky was guiding you towards the window, the only escape and you dreaded what came next. He took hold of your hand and turned to you asking, “do you trust me?”

“Always.”

Next thing you knew you found yourself holding onto him tightly as the two of you were flying out the window and down onto the street below. Bucky had landed on his feet and let you slide down his body. After quickly checking you for injuries, the two of you were running down the street and in the direction of the busy crowds. Bucky mouthed 'safe house’ at you but you shook your head. You knew that they must already have someone there waiting for the two of you. Your best bet was to get out of the town and head as far out as you could. So you pointed to a motorbike and with a nod from Bucky, you were both sprinting for it.

Jumping onto the bike behind Bucky, the engine roared to life and the two of you sped off. You didn’t have time to consider who’s bike it was, you needed to disappear. Once you were out of town, you opened Bucky’s backpack that was in front of you and pulled out the burner cell Steve has provided in case of emergencies. You quickly text him to let him know what was going on.

'We’ve been compromised. Already outta town. Contact in the next 24 hours.’

Once you were sure the text had been sent, you pulled the SIM card out snapping it in half and throwing it into the side of the road. You looked behind you to check that there wasn’t anyone on your trail and let out a breath to see the road clear behind you. You placed the phone back and hugged yourself into Bucky’s back.

You drove for the next two hours before Bucky slowed down and headed into a forest. A few kilometres in he stopped the bike and the two of you got off. He looked at you whilst you quickly searched your bag for a water bottle, pulling it out and offering it to Bucky. He took it gladly. After looking around for a few minutes, you picked up your bags and started heading north.

After what felt like hours you reached a small gas station and pub surrounded by motorbikes and bikers drinking beer. It was getting dark so you and Bucky decided to wait for a bit hidden on the outskirts of the forest until you could steal a bike unnoticed. Whilst you waited you sat up against a tree and listened to the noise coming from behind you whilst you observed the forest ahead. Bucky was sat facing the noise. You both knew this might be the only time you get a breather, not being able to foresee what happens tomorrow or even in the next hour. You have little knowledge of how the organisation, now after you, works. Or better yet, how and where the hell did they know that you were coming.

Soon Bucky motioned for you to get up and start following the road away from the pub whilst he goes and gets a bike. There was no one outside and it meant that Bucky could sneak a bike away without any unwanted attention. As you were heading away you turned to see Bucky jogging with a bike by his side. As he reached you he hopped on, offering you his hand which you gladly took.

“You had to get a Harley,” you smirked at the back of his head. He started the bike and quickly sped away.

“Well darling, it’s a chopper and I couldn’t help myself,” you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your lips at his words. Of course he couldn’t just get any bike. It had to be the prettiest one there. You shook your head whilst you guys made your way to a motel which would provide you with a place to crash and lay low.


	6. Chapter 6

You had been cruising around for a few hours and it was nearing midnight before Bucky agreed to stop at a motel. The previous three apparently weren’t good enough and since you were already falling asleep he knew he had to stop for the night. He couldn’t have his best girl falling off the bike, could he now?

As the bike came to a slow you were basically bouncing up and down from the excitement that you’d be sleeping in an actual bed tonight. After the draining day and the morning escape, you had definitely earned it. Bucky knew you, he knew that you were a great operative out in the field but long missions weren’t your friend. You liked to get the mission outta your hair in a day with minimum effort and then return to your bed for the night.

He stopped the bike in a shadowy corner trying to conceal it, and the two of you got off. You all but ran to the desk to get a room and Bucky watched you amused. You were like a little girl on Christmas morning running to unwrap her presents, but you were so excited to go to bed. It was an adorable sight.

As he entered the small space where the desk was, he caught the last bit of your conversation with the guy working. He was trying to flirt with you which immediately made Bucky glare at him. He put an arm around your waist and pulled you to his side. You smiled at him and took the key from the young guy. The two of you making your way to your room. As you were approaching you teased Bucky, “you jealous, soldier?”

You winked at him and he rolled his eyes playfully. “Well of course. Can’t have such a pretty girl running around with guys after her with no protection,” he smirked making you blush and you thanked your lucky stars that it was dark. You shook your head and slapped his chest lightly in mock annoyance. “You’ll be the death of me,” you spoke under your breath but Bucky heard you.

“No, doll. You’ll be the death of me,” he smirked at your shocked expression. Trying to shrug off his comment you rushed for the door of your room to open it. The sight of a bed instantly making you happy. You hummed to yourself as you looked around, it wasn’t bad, a lot cleaner than you expected. You set your bag down and pulled the blinds shut, turned on the light and put your hair up in a messy bun. Bucky had taken it upon himself to contact Steve and was sat in the bed with the phone in hand dialing the number to call.

“Hello?” came Steve’s voice.

“Hey, its us. We made it to a safe place up north. We’ll be moving on in the morning and heading west. We’ll contact you in the next 48 hours with a pick up point. If you don’t hear from us by then, then start the tracking,” Bucky spoke and you decided to go shower. You didn’t need to be there for the call, Bucky would tell you everything you needed to know when you finished. You were so exhausted you just wanted to sleep.

Bucky watched you walk to the bathroom and shut the door. He waited for the shower to start before continuing, “how secure is this line?”

“As secure as they get. Both Tony and Natasha have been working on the lines and they said they should be untraceable. Why? What’s going on?” Steve sounded worried.

Bucky chuckled before replying, “well if you’d consider the fact that y/n will be the death of me than there’s that. God Stevie, she’s so adorable. I’ve waited a long time to do anything, you know that right?”

“Yeah jerk. What’s eating at you then?”

“I told her I love her. But she was already asleep and she didn’t hear it. I’m such a fool. Yesterday we kissed and when she asked me whether I felt it, that sort of flurry feeling in my stomach I told her I did. But I think she got the wrong idea. I looked away, I was terrified Stevie, I couldn’t face the possible rejection. I know what I am, my past and the winter soldier are no match for such a fantastic girl like her,” the line remained quiet for a moment, Steve processing all that his best friend has said.

“Jerk, you need to leave that behind you. We both have told you over that those days don’t define you. You are better than that, you’re my brother and I love you. Remember that. As for the kiss, well I guess congratulations are in order,” Steve let out a laugh. Bucky joining him.

The two fell into a comfortable silence before Steve went on, “but yeah, you’re an idiot. Why the hell didn’t you tell her all this. Just tell her tonight that you felt it during the kiss, own up to being terrified. Tell her you love her again. Buck, she loves you. She’s crazy about you. Everyone knows that the two of you are madly in love except for the two of you. So please, just go get your girl, bring her home safely or so god help me,” Steve sighed, hoping this would be the final push his best friend needed.

Bucky gave a nervous laugh, “I’m nervous Steve. What if you’re wrong? What if she doesn’t love me? I’d just mess everything we have up. I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Buck, I’m not wrong. I’ve spoken to Wanda and Natasha and they’ve told me that y/n has been pinning after you for a long time now. Just do it, jerk.”

Bucky heard the water turn off and rushed to finish the phone call, “alright, I gotta go. Like I said 48 hours and if we’re radio silent then start tracking us.” With that Bucky put the phone down and waited for you to exit the bathroom.

Getting out of the shower you were considering just telling Bucky how you felt. The worst that could happen is he’d tell you he doesn’t love you back, and you’re pretty sure no one’s ever died from heartbreak so you’d survive. You felt an urgency to get it off your chest, who knew what tomorrow would bring? Who knew if you wouldn’t be dead by tomorrow evening? No one really knew how this organisation worked or what it was capable of. So as you gathered your belongings, you took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

Bucky was sat on the bed with his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. You didn’t want to disrupt him but the longer you put off your confession the more likely it was you’d chicken out.

You approached him and sat down next to him on the bed. The two of you stayed quiet for a while, both lost in your thoughts about the other. “Bucky? I have to tell you something.”

He looked at you with a curiosity in his eyes, waiting eagerly for what you were about to tell him. He wished so bad that you’d tell him you love him and that’s exactly what you did, “I love you.”

You let out a shaky breath indicating how much this was making you worried and nervous. “I love you. It’s ok if you don’t love me, I mean I won’t expect it, I just need you to know. If anything happens tomorrow, I just wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for not telling you.”

Bucky was looking at you with wide eyes and a blank expression on his face. You felt the tears start to prick your eyes as you realised what you did and how stupid you sounded. You were an idiot but at least he knows that you love him. The silence was overwhelming and you felt tension in the air. You turned away from Bucky and were about to get up when he stopped you with a hand on your thigh.

“I love you, too, doll. So much. I love you. Please don’t leave,” it came as a broken whisper. You turned around to face him again and his face fell as he saw the tears rolling down your cheeks. He gently lifted his hands to your face and wiped the tears away. You couldn’t help but to lean into his touch. You felt a calming feeling settle in your heart. All your worries washing away. You broke out a small, shy smile and laughed at how stupid you both were acting. You were the bloody avengers for crying out loud. Bucky joined you in your laughter.

“We’re both idiots.”

“Oh, I know doll, I know.” He pulled you onto his lap and the two of you latched onto each other like there was no tomorrow. You felt so warm and safe in his arms you never wanted to leave. But the rational part of you forever being overpowering told you, that you needed to get Bucky to go shower and then the both of you should get some sleep. You pulled away slightly to look at him before pecking his lips. As you were pulling away he started chasing your lips but you put your finger on his lip stopping him. He pouted and put on his brooding expression. You couldn’t help laughing at him.

“You need to go shower. We need to be up early tomorrow and should get all the rest we can. Plus you need to fill me in on what you and Steve were blabbering on about. The two of you can be worse than me, Wanda and Nat,” you started saying as you got off his lap and pulled him up off the bed. You let out a yelp as you found yourself being picked up and thrown onto the bed. Bucky crawled up your body and kissed your forehead.

“I’ll be right back,” he spoke and then quickly rushed for the bathroom. You shook your head at him. “Such a bloody tease,” you muttered under your nose.

“I heard that!” came Bucky’s voice from the bathroom. You rolled your eyes at him and was about to send a snarky comment his way when your stomach started to grumble. You winced at the thought that you’d only had a small breakfast today and no dinner before you left for the mission. You got up and walked over to your backpack to get out some loose change. On the way to the room you spotted vending machines and although it wasn’t much, it would have to suffice for the time being.

“Buck,” you called out to him as you were putting some shoes on. “I’m just going to the vending machines to get some food. I’ll be right back.”

You didn’t know if he answered as you pulled the door closed behind you and started for the machine. Once you reached it you quickly checked out what was available before putting a few coins in. You were picking as much as you could, knowing Bucky must also be starving with his rather large appetite. As you were taking all the junk food out of the machine you noticed the guy from reception approaching. You paid him no mind as you moved on to pick out some drinks.

“Hey beautiful. What you doing out here all alone?” came his cocky voice. You raised your eyebrow at him and side eyed him pointing out the obvious. As you continued pressing buttons for drinks he pushed on, “so that guy you’re with, is he your boyfriend?”

For a moment you didn’t know what to say because you and Bucky haven’t really established anything concrete between the two of you, all you had was the confessions of your love for one another which happened mere minutes before. As you were about to answer, you felt an arm around your waist and the guy in front of you scowled slightly. Bucky made a show of kissing your forehead and pulling you into his side. The guy gave him a smile as Bucky smirked at him. “Hey kid. What you doing here? Are ya tryin’ a chat my best girl up?”

Your heart was about to explode in your chest and as you looked up at him with the biggest smile on your face, you felt even more in awe as Bucky mirrored it back at you. “Let’s go. Ya need your beauty sleep,” he winked down at you and started walking you away and back to your room; thus leaving the other guy glued in his place.

As you made it back to your room, you dropped all the food onto the bed and put your hands on your hips, grinning triumphantly at yourself. You felt Bucky’s hands snake their way around your body as he engulfed you in his warmth. You looked up at him catching his lips in a short, tender kiss. Then you pulled away and jumped onto the bed shuffling through the food choices. You settle on a bag of crisps and put the tv on. Bucky signed exasperated by your child like behaviour and sudden bursts of energy. He couldn’t deny it though, he loved it when you would do this sort of thing. It reminded him that even though your jobs were risky, you should still have moments in life where you’re completely carefree, even if it is just for five minutes. He joined you on the bed and picked up a random bag of crisps. You guys stayed like that, just stuffing your faces on bags of crisps, chocolate bars and other sweet things whilst watching whatever was on the tv.

The comfortable silence was broken with Bucky’s voice, “I was terrified to tell you. To tell you I love you. I was so close so many times and then I backed out, too scared that I wouldn’t hear you say it back. I’ve wanted you to tell me that for so long. And when you finally did, I thought it was a dream. I couldn’t believe it, doll. God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

You smiled at him, squeezing his hand in a comforting gesture. “I was terrified too. Every time I tried to tell you I’d choke and couldn’t get the words out. I had planned on telling you when I got back from this mission with Sam. I even went to this little, newly opened cafe in Brooklyn to try and find the perfect place.”

You laughed at yourself. It sounded so silly, but you couldn’t help the words, they just flowed straight out of your mouth. “I wanted to make it special. Even if you didn’t feel the same way, I wanted you to feel special. To have a moment where you knew that there’s someone who really loves you in this universe. Even if that someone is just me.”

That last part made Bucky’s smile drop into a deep frown. “I know I’m not good enough for you but I want to be selfish and have you as mine”

“Don’t say that doll. You are more than enough. You’re too good for me if anything. It has been you and Steve all along since I got out of cryo that has been telling me time and time again that I’m worthy. It’s you who lifted me up when I was at my lowest, and it was you who shed light on my darkness. I would be privileged to be able to spend my lifetime showing you just how much you mean to me. Just how good you really are. You’re like liquid gold. My own personal gold mine. You are my everything,” tears gathered in Bucky’s eyes whilst yours slipped down your face. He couldn’t bare it, you thinking so lowly of yourself.

You crawled to him on the bed and cuddled into his chest as he laid back on his pillow. The food and drinks long forgotten as the two of you took in and processed each other’s words. Time was only a concept to the two of you as you laid there wrapped up in each other, knowing that no matter how broken each of you was, together you were whole.

The butterflies you both felt during your confessions didn’t leave either one of you. You finally didn’t hear the voices in your head telling you that you weren’t good enough, instead those voices were replaced with Bucky’s. His voice constantly repeating what he said over and over like a song stuck on replay. It was the best song ever and you didn’t want it to ever stop.

With time the both of you fell asleep in each other’s arms and dreamed of all the things that could be. But those things would have to wait as tomorrow would bring another day of escape and hiding.


	7. Chapter 7

Bucky woke up first. He felt you still sleeping in his arms before he even opened his eyes. You were breathing evenly and felt so warm he couldn’t face waking you up just yet. As he opened his eyes he looked around to check if your room was still safe. He noticed the food and drinks spread out beside the two of you and smirked at the thought that they’d have to serve as snacks. He wanted to take you out to breakfast, some real food not this vending machine junk. Mission or not, he wanted to look after you. He’d already waited too long to do so.

He felt you stir and looked down at your face catching you fluttering your eyes open. You looked around the room for a while before your eyes landed on Bucky. A smile crept its way onto your lips along with a faint blush. You remembered that what you both said last night wasn’t a dream, it was very much real. The thought made your smile widen.

Bucky was looking down at you with the same wide smile. The two of you just lay there staring at each other for what felt like eternity. But soon there was a knock on the door which had you both jump out of bed and reach straight for your weapons. You started to make your way over to the window to look behind the curtain at who it was. Bucky started for the door and waited for you to signal whether you were in danger or not.

As you reached for the curtain, you made sure to pull it back minimally to peek. As you saw the outside world, you recognised the figure stood outside your door as the guy from reception. Confusion took over as you carefully released the curtain to look at Bucky. The knocking came again. You mouthed to Bucky who it was, his face turning into a scowl. He reached for the handle, before you all but threw yourself at him.

“What are you doing?! He might be working for them. I can’t see much from behind the curtain but what if he’s just bait?” you whispered so that only Bucky would hear thanks to his super soldier hearing. He looked to be deep in thought for a few seconds.

“Start packing our bags and I’ll deal with him,” was all Bucky said. There was no arguing with the man, he was stubborn and once his mind was made up there was little you could do to change it. In this case you also didn’t have time to discuss this.

So as you went to pack the bags Bucky pulled on a zip up hoodie leaving it unzipped to show off his god-like body and intimidate the younger male. He pulled the door open and stood so that he was completely blocking the view of the room behind him.

“What do you want? Look dude, it’s mega nice of you to come here and check up, good customer service and all, but my girl is still asleep and I don’t want her to wake up,” Bucky was saying whilst you couldn’t help your heart fluttering at his words. You doubted you’d ever get used to him calling you his girl.

“I…uh, I wanted to just, uh ask whether, umm maybe I could have her number but I doubt you’ll give me it,” he chuckled nervously but you felt something was off. Call it women’s intuition or whatever you want but it felt a little weird that he’d come here, full well knowing Bucky was here with you, just to ask for your number. As you packed the last of yours and Bucky’s things leaving just clothes to change into for the day, you zoned back in on the conversation, knowing what you had to do.

“Look man, I don’t know what you were thinking but I really would suggest that yo-” but Bucky’s sentence was left unfinished as you appeared under his arm which he kept on the door and pushed yourself into his side. “Hi stranger, it’s good to see you again. To what do we owe the pleasure,” you tried to say in your most seductive tone.

Bucky’s jaw clenched and he looked down at you in disbelief. Were you really flirting with this guy?! And what were you doing with your hair? Why were you twirling it like that? When he noticed you bite your lip bashfully he almost lost it. His brain kicking in quickly realising that you must have felt something off about this guy while he was distracted and having a pissing competition.

This was not good. It was then that Bucky noticed the amount of cars parked, it was a lot more than the night before and it was definitely suspicious that there were so many, considering there weren’t even half this many when you went to the vending machines last night. He remained calm, his winter soldier training kicking in, he didn’t like this part of him but it’s what helped him remain in character while his assassin abilities took in every detail. He squeezed your shoulder with his hand and you knew what he was trying to communicate. You guys were surrounded.

You looked at the guy and noticed the gun outline in his jeans as his jacket lifted up slightly to reveal it tucked into the waistline. You looked him in the eye and smiled, before he could react you were pulling him by the jacket into the room and slamming the door shut. Bucky watched you as you then performed Nat’s thigh choke, which you’ve now mastered to perfection, and dropped the guy to the floor.

Bucky grabbed the bed sheets and wrapped them around the younger male’s body while you snatched his gun from his jeans and aimed it at his forehead. “Who do you work for?” you asked but the guy only smiled.

You kneed him in the nose causing blood to trickle down his chin and drop onto the sheets he was wrapped up in. “I’m not going to ask again, and trust me when I say that my man here, he can have your neck snapped in a second. So, who do you work for?”

He kept his mouth shut and gaze on the floor, he wasn’t going to tell you anything. Not willingly anyway. Bucky walked to the window to see whether there was anyone outside your room waiting. It’d be impossible to escape through the front door without at least a bit of a fight if there was, but no one had appeared to be standing in the way. Bucky grabbed yours and his bag packs quickly putting both on onto each shoulder and he looked at you, whilst you looked at the guy in front of you still pointing the gun at his face.

“We gotta go. I don’t know what they’re planning but if we move now we might be able to reach the bike before they can attack,” he started to reach for you. You couldn’t just leave the guy there as he might try to attack you on your escape route. Quickly you decided that knocking him out would have to do, and without hesitation you connected the butt of your newly acquired glock with his skull.

As you and Bucky opened the door you noticed that there were less cars parked than before which was weird because you could have sworn they were there for you and Bucky. He gave you the same puzzled look but you still moved quickly. As you reached the bike, you hugged Bucky tightly with one hand whilst the other was ready to fire at anyone who’d try and get in your way. Pulling out of the motel car park you started heading straight out of town as fast as you could.

It was around midday when the two of you reached a bigger town in a different country. There were masses of tourists and lots of little alleyways which webbed out from the main streets. You and Bucky had decided to ditch the bike and go on foot, disappearing in the crowds. You both knew exactly how to hide in plain sight but still remained weary of your surroundings with every step you took.

“We should stop to eat something. You’ve hardly ate this mission and I’m starving too. A short stop to fuel up won’t do us any harm,” his voice was soft and close to your ear. He had his arm around your shoulder and you guys weaved through the crowds like that. Everyone must have thought you were just another couple madly in love, looking for romance on a European adventure.

You couldn’t deny the offer. Your stomach had been grumbling for a good while now, successfully getting louder. “I think that’s a good idea.”

And so it was settled. The two of you made your way towards one of the many cafes situated on the street. You tried to hide the smile from your face as you pretended for just a little while how good this felt. How normal this was. You and Bucky, spending time together, going to lunch at a small cute cafe, it was too good to be true. The reality quickly taking over and your dream world thoughts washed away with Bucky clearing his throat. Looking up at him you noticed that you had stopped by the door and were about to enter the cafe.

Opening the door for you, like a real 40s gentlemen, Bucky couldn’t help the butterflies in his stomach. He had been anxious to ask you before and he only wished that he had. He couldn’t deny how happy spending time with you made him. It was everything he wanted. He saw a future with you. Kids and a dog. The whole ordeal, and finally it was looking like he might get his happy ending!

The cafe was rather small but had a homely feel to it. It was emptier than the other cafes and that’s why Bucky had chosen it. He didn’t want anything to interrupt the two of you for a while. It also meant that you could keep a look out for possible threats.

You had chosen a table at the back in a corner, it looked cosy and intimate. As the two of you approached Bucky held the chair out for you. He was definitely going to at least try and make this feel special. You deserved everything and he wanted you to be able to eat safely, but with the agents on your trail, how likely was that?

“Should we call Steve?” you asked, wondering if the team would be able to pull the two of you guys out yet. “I don’t know doll, we’ve still got some time before we need to call in. We should try and get as far out as we can. Maybe try head west, we don’t know how far their territory lies,” Bucky was saying thoughtfully, you nodded in agreement. “Let’s order.”

As the waitress was walking away with your order, Bucky couldn’t help but look at you, really look at you. The way your e/c eyes shined even though the circles under your eyes gave away just how tired you really were. The way your h/c locks looked incredible in just a messy bun. He looked and saw the little imperfections. He looked and he saw real beauty, no matter how much you would complain about your eyebrows being uneven, or your skin wrinkling around your eyes, he saw a beauty in it all. He saw a woman who’s beauty didn’t only shine on the outside but on the inside, too. That’s the moment he knew. He knew he was utterly in love with you.

You looked at Bucky who was staring at you, it made you feel uncomfortable and so out in the open. You knew that the longer he’d keep looking, the more he’d see of how plain you were; the longer he kept looking, the quicker he’d realise he’d made a mistake saying he loves you, it couldn’t be true. Your self-destructive thoughts kept eating away at you until the waitress came back with your food. It helped to distract you and keep your mind at bay for a while. A silence has fallen over the two of you, Bucky sensed your discomfort and was confused what was causing it. He did a visual sweep of the cafe and all seemed good, his internal alarms weren’t going off so it wasn’t anything that was surrounding the two of you.

Taking another look at you, he realised you were picking at you food and had began picking at your nails. It was a habit you had developed when you were stuck in your head. Steve had pointed it out to him and explained how you were broken on the inside. He never knew where it stemmed from, or how it has even been possible for someone as bright as you to actually feel so dull. You never opened up to him on this and he didn’t want to push you, in case it brought back unwanted memories. But he wasn’t going to let it slide entirely.

“What are you thinking about, doll?” he hoped that by asking, you might open up to him and tell him what was on your mind. “Oh, you know, I’m just worried about this organisation, the agents could be anywhere and we don’t have much intel on them,” came your lie, which you knew Bucky wouldn’t fall for but was worth a try. Bucky sighed, he really wanted you to be able to trust him and talk to him about whatever it was that was eating at you. “Doll, you know you can trust me, right? You know that I am here for you and I am willing to listen, just like you always listen to me after my nightmares.”

You smiled politely at him and nodded. You could feel a tightening in your throat. How were you supposed to tell him that your mind is trying to kill you from the inside out? How were you supposed to tell him about these silly thoughts when he’s been through so much more? Your troubles were nothing in comparison.

Thankfully the waitress came to ask how the food was and that was the end of that discussion. Apparently Bucky thought so too as he didn’t ask anymore questions about it. You didn’t know though, that he was determined to keep a close eye on you and try again later on.

Leaving the cafe, you and Bucky were hand in hand, starting towards the crowded street. You had decided that it was best to head west and try to reach Monaco from where Tony could easily extract you. Wondering the street you kept an eye on your tail to make sure you weren’t being followed. And all was clear, up until the point when you notices a man, dressed entirely out of suit for the weather. He stood out and sure as hell wasn’t doing anything about it. It caused some uneasiness to bloom in your stomach.

“Guy dressed in all black, combat boots and trousers, eight o'clock,” you whispered in a matter-of-factly kinda way as to not bring attention to the fact that you’ve noticed the man. Bucky stopped you by a display window and was pointing at some of the clothes displayed whilst he checked your tail in the reflections. “Definitely an agent, maybe we can get out of his sight by crossing the street? From there we can run and hide.”

No more needed to be said, the two of you continued to walk down the street until a van was coming from behind you and you decided to run across the street. The van would block the agent’s view of you and you could escape down one of the alleyways. As soon as you started running in the crowds, it was just your luck that they started to thicken. People were spilling onto the street out of nowhere making it more difficult for the two of you to keep running.

You saw a farmers’ market and pointed towards it, Bucky nodded and you headed for it. As you reached the stalls you slowed and started looking for a place to escape or hide. “If we have to split, we meet in Monaco. If either one of us doesn’t make it in 24 hours after we split, we call in for back up,” you told Bucky firmly, leaving him no room for argument. You knew that if things started heading south you’d have to try and lose Bucky in order to protect him. The winter soldier was still a greatly sought after asset. You knew you’d have to give yourself in if the situation arises, and you wholeheartedly were more than willing to do so.

As you continued to search for a way to get out and trying to get away from the potential danger, you noticed the agents growing in number by the minute. You were leading Bucky away from the market and towards the crowded streets again. Crowds would be your friends in concealing yourselves, they did however slow you down which wasn’t ideal. 

You were nearing the end of the touristy streets and it was time to get a move on out of the town. Bucky started pulling you towards a car and soon you were driving away from the danger. You kept a look out for anyone following you but so far you had succeeded in losing the agents. You carried on driving in silence and remaining extremely weary of your surroundings.

Bucky had been driving for a few hours now and needed to stop to fuel up. When you stopped at the gas station, Bucky was fuelling up whilst you went in to pay and pick up some drinks. You still had a few hours before you’d reach Monaco. Once you paid and the both of you got into the car, you started driving off. You swapped with Bucky so that you would be driving and he could rest. Although you doubted he’d even close his eye for a second.

The traffic was light and nothing was following you so you decided to ease the atmosphere up a little and turned the radio on quietly. You saw Bucky physically relax and smiled knowing that he needed it. You admired how after everything that happened to him, he was still willing to work out in the field. But you also knew that he had a huge heart and he would do anything to help people when he could. You were so consumed by your thoughts you didn’t notice the car that was racing up behind you until Bucky was yelling for you to hit the gas.

Keeping watch of the car behind you, seeing that the car wasn’t slowing down gave you a rush of adrenaline. Bucky had his guns out and was ready to shoot as soon as the possible threat attacked. The car was right behind you and started to overtake you, for a moment you thought that maybe it was just someone who was in a rush or had a need for speed. All that went out the window as you saw the car pull away slightly and before it could hit you full force you were slamming your foot on the breaks. The car slipped off the side of the road in front of you and crashed into the trees. You stepped on the accelerator and sped off before you could even find out if the driver and any passengers had made it out alive.

You didn’t slow down only speeding up and continued on your way to Monaco. Bucky was holding onto the side door slightly afraid at the speed you were going at. “Call Steve and tell him he needs to send someone out for us immediately. We are not fucking staying here an extra second if we can help it,” you instructed Bucky. He admired your cool under the situation and did exactly as you said. He knew you could be the boss when it came down to it but he had never been on the receiving side of it. It was kind of scary, but also very much attractive.

Dialling the phone, he pressed it to his ear and waited for Steve to answer. “Hello?”

“We need you to send out a jet right now for us. Head for Monaco. We’ve been chased twice now and we need to be out of here as soon as possible.”

“Got it. I’m coming out to get you guys now. Are you both alright? Is y/n hurt?” Bucky chuckled at this, he looked at you and noticed that you were cool as a cucumber, “no. She’s fine, saved our asses actually. Although if she carries on speeding like this I don’t know if that will be the case for much longer.”

You slapped his shoulder playfully, “well you know, I could always just go slower and let them catch up with us. I mean a good fight is something I definitely could use right now.”

Bucky laughed at your sarcastic tone, “d'you here that, punk? The dame is in total control of the situation. Just hurry up and get to us.”

“Alright, I’ll see you soon.” Bucky hang up and destroyed the SIM card. Throwing it out the window. The two of you speeding into the night, fast approaching Monaco. You were determined to get Bucky to safety before anything bad could happen.


	8. Chapter 8

s you were approaching Monaco, you ditched the car just before the French border and decided that it would be a better idea to get a taxi there. As the two of you got in and gave the driver the directions, you felt like a weight has been lifted off your chest as you came closer to bringing Bucky home. The journey wasn’t long considering the fact that Monaco is a small country and you had already been very close to its border. Getting out, Bucky paid the driver and you were now standing outside the famous casino. You needed to call Steve and arrange a pick up point and then you’d be on your way home.

You entered the casino and used one of the pay phones that hang along the elegant walls. “Hey Steve, we’re here. Where are you? How long until pick up?” you spoke as soon as he answered the phone.

“We’re about 10 minutes out. Meet us in the docks, we won’t be landing. You guys need to hop on. I’ve news about them possibly being here. I’ll see you soon. Be careful,” he spoke quickly, urgently almost. You smiled at how much of a caring person Steve was under any circumstance. “We’ll see you there.”

Hanging up, you grabbed Bucky’s hand and started walking towards the docks. He squeezed your hand as you made your way outside of the building, you turned your head to look at him worried he’s spotted something worrying. He stopped you and smiled down at you, leaning down to gently capture your lips in a short, sweet kiss. You blushed and bit your bottom lip to stop the ridiculous grin growing on your face. As much as you loved this you needed to get to the docks and on the jet. Then you could indulge in these sweet little moments.

You pulled Bucky behind you and tried to stop yourself from running. As you reached the entrance of the docks, you saw the quinjet slowly lowering and run towards the dock where you’d have to get on, Bucky was close on your tail. He could easily overtake you but he needed to stay behind you and ensure you got on the jet first. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what would happen if he doesn’t make sure you’re safe and instead are captured by those agents.

Reaching the end you looked at Bucky, communicating that you guys would need to vault yourselves up onto the ramp. He nodded and the two of you started to sprint for the jet. As you were mere metres from it, you pushed your feet to carry you quicker and then vaulted into the jet, climbing up the ramp as it started to close. You looked beside you from your place on the floor to see Bucky standing there without a hair out of place. You snorted at this.

“What’s so funny, darling?” he smiled down at you and offered you his hand which you gladly accepted. “Well, I’m just thinking about how it is possible that you look like you haven’t just vaulted yourself up onto a jet, but then I remember that you’re a super soldier. So it’s not really all that impressive now,” you smirk at him which as a result causes his wide grin to turn into him giving you wounded-puppy-eyes. “Ouch sweetheart. That hurts. And here I thought I had managed to impress you,” Bucky faked mock hurt. “You’ll have to try harder, Sargent.”

Your fun was quickly ended by Steve clearing his throat, “you two quite done now?”

Both Bucky and yourself couldn’t help the small laughter that escaped your lips. Sharing a loving look you started following Steve further into the jet. As you reached the seats you all but threw yourself into one. “God, I miss my bed so much. I’m glad we’re going home!” Bucky laughed at how cute you looked; pouty lips, messy hair and splayed out body on the chair like a bratty teenager.

“I missed you too, y/n,” Steve joked. You gave him an innocent smile and shrugged your shoulders. “Well, yes of course I missed you Steve. I just missed my bed more,” you said whilst closing your eyes and exhaling a sigh of relief. Bucky and Steve shared a look and Steve motioned for Bucky to follow him. “We’ll be in the cockpit doll,” Bucky said whilst kissing your forehead. You hummed your acknowledgement and let sleep over take you.

Bucky looked down at your near sleeping form and grinned. He felt like the luckiest guy alive and was beyond happy to be going home. He followed Steve and took over from the co-pilot that was accompanying Steve. The two brothers waited until they were truly alone before Steve turned to Buck ready for a whole rundown of the events that took place. For once he wasn’t being his Captain self and wanted to hear about the developments of the relationship between Bucky and you rather than the mission. “So, what happened? You two look like you’ve finally managed to stop being oblivious of the chemistry going on,” Steve smirked at him. He knew how much happiness this would bring him.

“She told me she loved me after our phone call at the motel,” Bucky admitted with the biggest grin on his face. Steve patted his shoulder expressing how happy he was for his best friend. “I’m so glad she did. I feel like I’m finally getting my life back together. She’s helped me through everything and I couldn’t be more thankful to have her by my side. She’s like a ray of sunshine,” he spoke in a dreamy manner. Steve smirked at his friend’s behaviour. He was like a puppy dog excited at getting petted.

“I’m happy for you pal. Y/n is a great girl. I don’t have to give you the 'don’t break her heart or I’ll break your neck’ talk, do I jerk? I mean, you’d be putting me in a difficult situation,” Steve laughed at his own speech. Bucky looked at his friend intently, “well if I ever fuck up, I would prefer for you to just kill me.”

You awoke from your nap and heard Steve’s and Bucky’s voices coming from the cockpit. You decided that it’d be best to go see what they were chatting about because you were sure that it was probably you. Bucky wouldn’t be able to hold back from telling Steve. The thought made you smile.

“….I would prefer for you to just kill me,” you heard Bucky’s voice as you stood just outside the cabin.

“Why are you already choosing to die on us, Buck?” you questioned teasingly. You stayed leaning against the doorframe until Bucky reached out his hand for you to take. You smiled at him as your feet pulled you towards his outstretched hand. Before you could blink an eye, you were in Bucky’s lap engulfed in his arms. You inhaled his scent and looked up at him through your lashes. He leaned his head down and placed a kiss on your nose. “Well, Nat owes me 20 bucks,” Steve interrupted your moment.

“Did you really bet on us, punk?” Bucky asked knowing full well Steve wouldn’t have been able to contain himself from telling the team how he helped come up with this plan. “She started it. Wanda was against the betting. Tony seemed distant at the thought of this mission. And Sam told me to tell the two of you that you can thank him when you get back.”

“Why would we thank him?” you asked curious as to just how many people had apparently taken part in this said plan. “He said that if it hadn’t been for his and Clint’s stupid bet, that majorly backfired on them, then you two would still be dancing around each other,” Steve explained.

You were shocked at this, you hadn’t thought about it, but Sam did have a point. Had it not been for his silly fun you’d probably have never actually ended up telling Bucky about your feelings. Even if you had ended up going to that cafe, you probably would have been terrified and backed out. So yeah, you guessed you could thank Sam.

“We’ll be up in the air for a bit longer so do you guys wanna grab anything to eat or drink?” Steve suggested, looking at Bucky trying to indicate that there has been a table set up for the two of you. Bucky lifted you up bridal style, making you squeak and mouthing a ‘thanks punk’ at Steve.

Carrying you out of the cockpit, Bucky saw that there had been a small table with two chairs set up. A warm meal waiting for them. It wasn’t anything extraordinary, but it was perfect nonetheless. The wine was exquisite, obviously picked out my Tony. The food was a lovely home cooked dish, it reminded you of Wanda’s cooking. “This is so sweet. How did they know to prepare this?”

You and Bucky didn’t ponder much longer on it. You sat down and began to dine in the back of a quinjet which was the least romantic scenario you could imagine, but somehow, it was everything you needed. Digging into the food, you could have sworn it must have been freshly prepared and definitely prepared by Wanda. You couldn’t get the feeling of being watched, to go away either. You put down your cutlery, to take a sip of wine. Bucky raised his eyebrow at you questioningly. You looked at him for a while, thinking until it clicked. You waved your pointer finger up in the air in a circular motion, trying to convey to Bucky to take notice of your surroundings.

You could see the gears turning in his mind as he looked around. You could tell he noticed that the jet was one of the bigger ones, one of the more equipped ones. One where you could, well let’s say, cook and hide in. Bucky looked at you and smirked. He winked at you before he began speaking, “y/n, I think we managed to fool them, don’t you?”

You smirked knowing to go along with it, “oh yes. Definitely. I wonder how long it takes for them to figure out this whole act? I mean I didn’t even think they’d fall for it but who knew?!” You squealed and laughed. The two of you high fiving and making a show for your friends that were hiding. You carried on eating as if nothing had been happening between the two of you, let alone as if you were sat at the same table. You wanted to laugh but knew it’d be worth keeping a straight face. You were sure the team was still watching and were more than willing to put on a show for them.

After you finished your meal, you finished your wine and then got up and went over to where Bucky was taking a nap. You sat down next to him and got your phone out to distract yourself for the rest of your journey. Only a few hours passed and you were home landing on the roof of the tower. You got up and picked up yours and Bucky’s bags, starting for the ramp before it lowered. You could sense Steve and Bucky hot on your tail and didn’t let yourself fall out of step. You rushed for the elevator.

Stepping in, it was a bit crowded with the two super soldiers. You weren’t complaining though. “So Steve, how’s the team doing? Are they all here? I’ve missed them,” you began trying to not sound suspicious. Steve hesitated for a second and you thought it was because you’ve been caught, but apparently it was all him. “I’m not sure they’re all here. They might have gone out. I did let them know I’d be heading out to get you but I don’t know if they’re back yet,” he began his not so smooth lie. You and Bucky shared the same knowing look.

“So they wouldn’t be hiding in the jet or running frantically down the stairs to meet us?” you smiled innocently at Steve. He tried to hide his shocked expression but you and Bucky were too good at reading people not to see it. “Really, pal? You thought we wouldn’t notice?”

Steve cringed slightly at the fact that him and the team were busted. You spoke out to the AI system you knew was active, “hey FRIDAY, could you please inform the team that we’ll meet them in the common room and that they don’t have to pretend to be relieved to see us?”

“Of course, agent y/l/n. Is that all?”

“Yes, thank you FRIDAY,” you stood looking proud and feeling Bucky place his hands on the bags in your shoulders. He lifted them off and carried them. Always the gentleman.

Stepping out of the elevator you looked at the team gathered before you. “Well, hello everybody! What a nice surprise to see you all. It would have been so much nicer if you guys had actually served us on the jet but we’re very thankful for the meal. Aren’t we Buck?” You turned to look at Bucky who was already staring at you. “Of course, darling.”

You looked back at the team, half of them looking slightly guilty whilst the others smirked. “So this,” Nat began, pointing between you and Bucky, “this for real then?”

Bucky hugged you from behind and kissed the top of your head, “yes, it very much is. I’ve finally got my best girl.”

The guys laughed whilst the girls swooned. Even Maria and Fury were there. “Get some rest. I want a full mission report bright and early tomorrow morning, is that clear?” Fury spoke in his no nonsense tone. You only nodded before grabbing Bucky’s hand and pulling him to the elevator.

“Remember to use protection, kids,” Sam shouted after you. You sneaked a look at Wanda slapping him on the shoulder and telling him to behave whilst Nat and Tony giggled.


	9. Chapter 9

Once in the elevator, you hesitated before pressing a button, you didn’t know which floor you’d be going to. It’d probably be best to go to Bucky’s room. Steve would keep Sam from being a pain in the ass. Whilst you weren’t sure whether the girls would be able to control themselves.

You pressed the button for the boys’ floor and heard Bucky gave a low chuckle. “Good choice, although I don’t know how much Steve is going to be able to control Sam,” he whispered in your ear. “Oh, it sounds like you’ve made plans,” you teased. “Oh darling, I have some plans for you but I want to take this slow. No rush. We’re both not going anywhere,” he spoke softly. You now understood how he was a womaniser back in the 40s. “Is that the infamous 40s charm, soldier?”

“Oh doll, continue to speak like that and you’ll find yourself in trouble,” he said seductively before he started to tickle you mercilessly. You thrashed around under his attack and soon the elevator doors open, you tried your hardest to run but Bucky picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. You yelped when his hand smacked your ass. “Bucky, put me down. Come on, you’re tired, put me down.”

He didn’t listen to your protests and half hearted begs. He opened his door, kicking it shut behind him and strutting through his room until he reached the bed. He let you slide down his body before putting the bags down. “May I take you out on a date tomorrow night, doll?”

You blushed and pulled your lip between your teeth. How could he have this effect on you? You always could keep your cool. “You looked up at him and placed your hand on his neck before you replied, "I would like that very much, Sargent,” you spoke shyly, whispering the last word. Bucky groaned at your response, he couldn’t be any happier to finally being able to call you his.

After sorting everything and separate showers you were wrapped up in a pile of blankets, and more importantly, in Bucky’s arms. He put on a movie but you were paying it no attention. Your hands were lost exploring his bare chest tracing the different scars your fingertips encountered. Sleep was slowly creeping up on you, and you were more than willing to give yourself in but you were abruptly awakened when Steve burst through the door with his hand over his eyes.

“STEVE WHAT AR-,” Bucky began shouting at his best friend but Steve quickly stopped him by asking, “Y/n are you decent?”

“Yeah,” you spoke in a sleepier tone than the one you expected. “What’s going on?” You asked but did not move to get up.

“We have a problem. You need to get down to Tony’s lab right now. The both of you,” Steve commanded in his Cap tone. You knew there was no kidding about when he used this demeanour. You and Bucky quickly got off the bed and you couldn’t help the shiver that passed down your back. Bucky not missing it grabbed a hoodie and wrapped it around you as the three of you made your way to the lab.

Once in the elevator you put the hoodie on properly and did the zip up. It was like an oversized dress on you but you weren’t complaining. It was so warm and soft it was a worthy substitution for Bucky’s warm, strong arms around you. And it smelt like him too which made a goofy smile make its way onto your sleepy form. Steve was smirking at you whilst Bucky was deep in thought not paying much attention.

His mind spiraled out to all the possible reasons as to why Steve barged in so late at night and was rushing you to the lab. You were getting impatient waiting for the elevator to arrive at the correct floor but soon you were arriving and basically jogging behind Bucky’s brisk walk.

As soon as you stepped into the lab, you were taken aback. The whole team was there and they were all staring at the screen Tony brought up in front of them. As you got closer you observed as a group of masked agents made their way around the safe house back in Italy, destroying it piece by piece. It didn’t look like they were looking for anything, just generally vandalising the house. You quirk your eyebrow giving Steve a questioning look and silently asking for an explanation. He shrugged his shoulder and you widen your eyes in shock. What the hell was going on?!

Once the video finished Tony turned to you and Bucky, “did you get any intel on this lot?” You shook your head. The gears were starting to turn in your mind. The events of the past few days replaying in your mind. The agents at the hotel from the coach, the agents that tried to chase you down after your romantic breakfast. It was all starting to make sense but you just needed more evidence to prove what you were thinking. “Bucky how many agents did you have on you when they were chasing us after we left the cafe?”

He looked at you not quite understanding what you were getting at, “2.”

“I had 5, and from the look on your face, Tony, I can tell you’re thinking the exact same thing as me,” you all but whispered. “It was a trap, they knew we were coming, they knew I was coming.” You turned to look at Bucky as confusion took over his face. There was a split second where he didn’t understand what you were saying, until it clicked into place. “They’re after you….but why? Why would they want you specifically?” The whole team was now looking at you questioningly, but you just shrugged. It wasn’t like you knew why a group of agents was after you. You had no special powers, you were one of the less known members of the team. Your only real reason for being here was your combat skills….and you tech abilities. You winced at the realisation that someone other than Tony was aware of how skilled you were in a lab. It was better to keep it on the down low. You had gone to extreme lengths to keep that part of your life in the shadows, and yet someone was digging up everything about you.

You felt nauseous and didn’t want to face anyone. You stared at Tony and pointed with your thumb to the side. “Can we talk for a moment?” He nodded and followed you out to one of the debriefing rooms where he asked FRIDAY to turn off the cameras and microphones. You looked at him with fear in your eyes. “How?” Is all you managed to get past the increasing lump in your throat. Tony tried to pull you into a hug, knowing that you could turn hysterical. He hates having to see you go through this. “I don’t know, but I will do everything in my power to find out and put a stop to this. In the meantime, you should tell the tea-,” you couldn’t believe your ears. Pulling out of his grasp you backed away. “No. no. I am not telling anyone anything. They can’t know, they won’t be able to look at me in the same way if they do. I-I ca-can’t…” you sobbed. You couldn’t help the shaking of your limbs or the fact that you felt a darkness creep up on your parade. You turned and banged you fists on the table, knocked chair after chair over. You couldn’t believe this was happening. You hated yourself enough already. This was just the final straw to you being reminded that, you weren’t good enough to be a part of the team. You weren’t good enough for Bucky.

You hadn’t noticed the team gather at one of the glass walls. You didn’t notice the shock and fear on your teammates’ faces. They didn’t fear you. They feared for you. They didn’t know what was being said and all they saw was you turn and start wrecking everything around you. They saw Tony stood in the same spot, shoulders slumped, as he watched you masacre the briefing room, lost in what he could do to help you.

Tony turned his head and saw Steve looking at him in his questioning Cap demeanour. He just shook his head and started to slowly make his way over to you. He trapped your arms at you sides with his own and held you until you stopped squirming. He was whispering in your ear but you couldn’t make out what he was saying. Your head was filled with the noise of an alarm going off and you couldn’t believe that this day was happening. You didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that your past was catching up with you, even after everything you did to leave it behind.

You turned your head and straight away made eye contact with Bucky. You whimpered and felt yourself going numb in Tony’s arms. Your legs gave out and if it weren’t for Tony, you would have crashed to the floor in a mess. You didn’t want to leave that room and have to face reality. You couldn’t face him. He would never look at you in the same way ever again. How could he look lovingly at someone who has taken part in his tortures? You bowed your head in shame and refused to lift your gaze off the floor. Tony unlocked the doors and before you knew it, Bucky was at your side and holding you closely to his chest. You tensed and caused him to frown. He didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t know if this was his fault and he cursed himself that if this reaction was because of him he’d never be able to forgive himself.

“Please don’t touch me. Don’t touch me,” your whisper was getting louder with each word. Bucky was confused, he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t let you go. He needed to be there for you, to support you and remind you that he will keep you safe. “Let go of me. Bucky, please. Let. Go. Of. Me,” you punctuated every word. You couldn’t believe that he would want to hold you in this way after he finds out. You couldn’t take it any longer when he wouldn’t remove his arms from around you. You started struggling and pushing him away. Reluctantly he let you go. But as soon as you were on your feet, he was hot on your tail. “Doll, talk to me. What’s going on?”

You reached the door and the team was gathered watching. Everyone started to move out of your way except for Natasha. “Nat, move. I won’t ask again.” She remained in your way. You didn’t hesitate and before she could even react, your fist was making contact with her cheekbone. As her head flew to the side you pushed past her and continued on your way. You didn’t look back. There was no point, everyone would already be looking at you in shock and disgust. You bowed your head as you moved along the corridors, taking the stairs to you room. Once you shut the door behind you, you instructed FRIDAY to lock the doors and not allow anyone to override the command.

Sliding down the door to the floor, you couldn’t help the waterfall from spilling down your face yet again. What were you going to do now?


	10. Chapter 10

Bucky watched your fist come into contact with Natasha’s face and he felt as if someone stopped time. The two of you were sisters. He couldn’t even imagine what was going on, which would make you so unpredictable and out of control. He watched as you walked away. He knew from your body language that you were scared and guilty and embarrassed. You were portraying so many emotions all at once. He needed to follow you but his feet seemed to have rooted themselves to the floor.

Steve caught Natasha before she could reciprocate your attack. He knew that whatever was going on, everyone needed to remain calm. It was becoming too much for the team to watch you, someone who’s always been so controlled, become so distraught. They all turned to Tony who held his head in his hand whilst sitting at the table. “Please tell me you know what’s going on and will explain to the rest of us?” Steve walked into the briefing room and took a seat opposite him. The rest of the team filed in and sat around their two friends. “I would tell you, but I can’t risk losing her trust,” Tony spoke his head still bowed. He had tears in his eyes and he couldn’t face the team with such a softness out in the open. It made him vulnerable and he needed to be strong. “We need to give the kid time, she’ll come around -”

“You don’t know that Tony. Did you just see the way she acted out? I’ve never seen her in such a state. Do you really think that we should sit around and wait whilst she is behaving in such a way?”

“YES I DO!” Tony screamed whilst standing up so rapidly he knocked his chair over. “You don’t know what’s going on, - he spat out whilst slamming his fists onto the table - you have no idea why she’s acting that way. She needs some time to cool off and then she’ll tell us. And when she does we’ll still love and support her because everyone makes mistakes. Until then we give her a few hours and wait.”

“I’ll go talk to her,” Bucky started whilst standing up but quickly stopped when he saw Tony put his hand up stopping him. “Don’t take this personally, but you’re the last person she wants to talk to right now.”

“Tony,” Steve warned.

“I know what it sounds like. And luckily this isn’t your fault so just stay put and wait like the rest of us. If she tries to leave FRIDAY will inform us and we’ll stop her. She cannot leave this building. But you can’t scare her, she needs to know we’re on her side.”

Everyone was taken aback by how commanding Tony was in this situation. They understood that whatever came next they needed to be prepared to fight and keep you safe.

You didn’t know how much time had passed. It was as if you had been sat there, against your door, for eternity. You looked ahead and stared at the same spot the whole time. You didn’t want to go back there but it was the only reasonable thing to do. You had to tell the team and they’d have to make a decision on whether they still wanted you around after your confession or not. Before standing up, you took a deep breath and decided to just get the next couple of hours behind you as quickly as possible.

You didn’t even want to look in a mirror and be presented with your horrific reflection. The image most definitely one of those out of a nightmare. So standing on shaky legs in front of your door, you addressed FRIDAY, “please unlock the door.”

“Yes agent y/l/n. Mr Stark has asked me to inform you that the team is gathered in the briefing room and is awaiting your arrival.”

“Thank you, FRIDAY.”

You pulled your door open and headed for the elevator. You knew that if you tried to leave, someone would come to try to stop you. It would have been useless.

You took deep breaths whilst waiting for the elevator to descend to the correct floor. You were still shaking and you couldn’t even raise your gaze off the floor. As the doors opened, you were frozen in place. This was it, once you took the first step out of the elevator, there’d be no turning back.

Taking one final deep breath in and then out, you decided to move. To go and resolve all your sins from the past. As you walked towards the room, you kept your head firmly lowered, you knew if you looked now, you’d run.

Laying your hand on the door handle, you pushed the door open. You stepped inside and took a moment before looking up. You managed to make eye contact with Tony and he gestured for you to enter and take the seat next to him. You nodded and walked towards the chair. As you sat down, you were seated next to Tony and Nat. You turned to her and couldn’t help the whimper you let out. “I’m so sorry, sestra. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I swear I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry,” you were blabbering and didn’t resist when she pulled your head towards her and engulfed you in a hug. You let go again, crying whilst she whispered ‘it’s ok’ and 'I’m fine’ and 'you’d need to do better than that to get me down’. You laughed and pulled away to look at her. But Steve quickly pulled you out of your moment, “y/n, you need to tell us what’s happening. We can’t help you if we don’t know what we’re dealing with.”

You nodded your head in understanding and looked at your hands that were on the table. Nat put her hands over yours in an encouraging gesture. “Before I tell you, I want you all to know, that I will understand if you want to kick me off the team and never look at me again. And I need you all to just, just don’t interrupt me until I’m done, ok?”

The team nodded their heads in agreement. No one wanted to say a thing and change your mind about telling them what was going on.

“I’m one of the many people who were involved in Bucky’s torture.”

“Y/n, that’s not true,” Tony began but you cut him off.

“Oh really? Just, don’t interrupt me. I need to get this off my chest. When I was in college, I was assigned to a group for students who excelled in their field. We were all assigned the same project and were told that the best one would win us a publication on our final assessments for our final year, - you took a breath before continuing - I stupidly was ecstatic to have the honours to work on this project and saw it as a great opportunity to make it in my field of study.”

“Y/n, what are you saying? Doll, it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong?”

“Bucky, please, - you held up your hand in his direction, you couldn’t even make eye contact with him, - we were assigned to design and make a prototype, it was to do with electroshock therapy.”

There was a dead silence in the moment you took for the information to sink in. “A lot of the people that were in this group dropped out saying that they didn’t agree with the idea or that they weren’t interested in doing the project. I asked why the specific project. Why were they so interested in this type of therapy? I was hesitant at first, but as the numbers in the group started to drop, I saw my chances rise. After a while, I just stopped asking questions as they didn’t give me any answers. I focused on my work and I lost my morality somewhere along the way.”

A lone tear was making its way down your cheek as you stared into nothingness. You remember the days you spent working on your project perfecting it. “They wanted something that was more sustainable and smaller to use. They emphasised the importance of it being small enough to be easily transported. I thought of a design which was like a helmet that once put on, it wouldn’t be removable until the whole sequence of electroshocks was applied to the wearer. I-I didn’t ever imagine it being used and I specifically made the prototype weak, so that if the design fell into the wrong hands, it wouldn’t work if a higher power was applied and were to do actual damage.”

“I don’t see where you’re getting at. If you say that you made the device unusable then how does that escalate to Bucky’s torture?” Steve asked. You looked at him and were pleasantly surprised, to instead of what you expected would be a display of disgust, you found a gentleness there. It helped comfort you.

“My design was unusable to do damage. However, one of the other members of the group, stole my design and tweaked it so that it would work. However he couldn’t keep the portability of it and so it was very much like the old designs. It was a little less permanent obviously since Bucky had started to recognise people and remember things. The guy that designed and won the project was then quickly recruited to hydra. I guess I, at least, don’t have that to add to my bucket of sins,” you chuckled trying to make light of the matter.

“Doll, you can’t blame yourself for anything. You didn’t do anything wrong. You said yourself that you made it unusable to do damage. Darling - Bucky got up and walked around to you - please look at me. I don’t blame you for anything. You were young and driven, and you didn’t lose your morality. How can you say that?”

He put two fingers under your chin to pull your face up towards his. He couldn’t believe that you thought that you were involved in his tortures, even though you had nothing to do with them.

“I’m sorry,” is all you managed before breaking down again. Bucky quickly pulled you out of your chair and into his arms. He cradled you close to his heart; you were his heart. You were the light in his life and he couldn’t bare to see you try take the blame, you were a genius, and so strong. He could never see in you what your toxic mind was telling you. “Babygirl, please believe me when I say, I don’t blame you for any of this. I never could.”

His kind words only made you shake more in his embrace as your eyes produced more tears.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


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